Steve Martin,We’ve had some fun tonight…considering we’re all gonna die someday.
I don’t take orders. Jerry Seinfeld,Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of,You know the trouble with real life? Steve Martin,Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Jul 22, 2017 - Explore Michael Benjamin's board "excited quotes" on Pinterest. Funny Southern Quotes and Sayings. Mitch Hedberg.Don’t judge me. Light travels faster than sound. Robin Williams,I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself. By this time tomorrow, it’ll be free yogurt.Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. 4 More Weeks. Steven Wright,Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’ Steven Wright,A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. --Cher.• "Oh My God! Jim Carrey,My soul is not contained within the limits of my body. Cathy Guisewite,Everything is changing. 5 min into this show, it feels like you’ve been fucked to death by a thousand pillows. It wasn’t until I got back to my seat that I noticed my pants and testicles were missing. Think excitement, talk excitement, act out excitement, and you are bound to becomre an excited person. Woody Allen,Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. We’re feeding each other like baby birds. Rodney Dangerfield,I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Robin Williams,You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to. I need to tortilla chip that can support the weight of guacamole. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Phyllis Diller,Never miss a good chance to shut up. Fred Allen,If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Jon Stewart,Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.
But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that. It is the best antidote for,Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. I don’t need a thinner phone. Robin Williams, Patch Adams,No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. So far, so good. Rodney Dangerfield.Women marry men hoping they will change. Robin Williams,Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. It's become a whole language that I find fascinating and exciting. Steven Wright,If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower. Jim Carrey,Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass. Tina Fey,What turning forty means to me? Stephen Colbert,Happiness can be really facile – To be with my wife and children, would be the deepest joy. Kevin Hart,I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like ! Then we met. Life is long. Alan Alda,Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage. Or did we just f*cking blow your mind!? Jackie Mason,Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. I Am So.
Ricky Gervais,Mondays are fine. Louis C.K.Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house. Louis C.K.It’s a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. It was born 15 minutes ago it looks like a potato. Have friends. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. I’m So Excited. Mitch Hedberg,The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Discover and share Excited Funny Quotes. Friedrich Nietzsche,You grow up the day you have your first real,If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done. Wendy Mass.A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.As your best friend I’ll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.Some people are like clouds. Spanish proverb,When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. You’ll find the occasional king, but most are jacks. The rest cheat in Europe. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. There’s no danger music. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.Security is, I would say, our top priority because for all the exciting things you will be able to do with computers - organizing your lives, staying in touch with people, being creative - if we don't solve these security problems, then people will hold back.I believe the returns on investment in the poor are just as exciting as successes achieved in the business arena, and they are even more meaningful!I can say I'd honestly rather be happy than have 30 to 40 songs that I've written about these thrilling, exciting, horrible, unhappy times.I think that the idea of having a different approach to every single one of my albums is so exciting to me. t-bone and a 24-oz. This Is My Super Excited Face. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’. Not everyone has good taste.I came from a real tough neighborhood. Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’”– Claude Pepperc funny life Quotes “They say marriages are made in Heaven. That is the stasis world that you live in if you stay.
Karaoke Night. George Burns.Don’t yell at your kids! 30 Snappy Funny Quotes ADVERTISEMENT A very unfortunate common occurrence.. I’m such an overachiever. You’ll figure it out afterward.