“All of a sudden, the poor thing started running around the car as fast as he could. It left its tracks.” I got a moan the first couple of Sundays. —Bill Woodman.When I was 12, my father told me a terrible story that had happened at the gas station that day. “I’m...My husband and I were daydreaming about what we would do if we won the lottery.
I needn’t have worried. I was having so much fun, I said, “I hope the Indians tie the game in the ninth.” The die-hard Sox fans we were with were horrified, but not Dad. “Oh, relax.
The game between the Sox and the Indians was in the ninth inning, with the Sox ahead by a run. When I was 12, he took me to a Chicago White Sox game...My father liked to say, “I’m bald because a good man always comes out on top.” Dad loved to make people laugh. You rarely get one of these old wheat pennies nowadays,” I said, tapping the sheaf of-wheat design. Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own. Me: There you go. “I wear this...During a job interview at the 99 Cents store, my son was asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” My son’s reply: “At the Dollar Store.” He got the job. Are you cutting hair in there now?” —Karen Strand.An utterly confused woman called our local fire station about getting a haircut.
One participant complained about management’s tendency to interfere and wrote the word nitpicking. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. “I’m looking forward to that!” —Mona Randem.I was admiring my aunt’s necklace when she surprised me by announcing, “I’m leaving it to you in my will.” I was overjoyed, perhaps too much. Then he remembered what I’d said and confidently called out, “Acura!” —Linda Price.My husband can’t activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. “No, I...My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. It’s only a baby,” he says. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife,...The definition of a perfectionist: someone who wants to go from point A to point A+. Howson, in.To resolve conflicts between management and staff, I brought both sides together and asked employees to jot down key words on a flip chart.
We call him the Village Idiom. He saw my phone on...Headline from the Seattle PostIntelligencer: “Mom Warns Son to ‘Watch Out for Idiots,’ Rear‑Ends His Motorcycle.”,Me: What’s the Wi-Fi password? —Mike Vanloo.Here’s my favorite dad joke, with me as the dad: Every Sunday on the way to church, we would have to stop at a railroad crossing. “Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that,” the gunner said. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my...My husband can't activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats. “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number,” I said. Tiktok Jokes. The customer, clearly looking to save a few bucks, said, “The package doesn’t have to get there till Saturday. I was really getting into it when a coworker in the next trailer...I asked a friend in Seattle what the difference was between a state like Washington and one like Florida. While reviewing future, past, and present tenses with my English class, I posed this question: “‘I am beautiful’ is what tense?” One student raised...A customer walked into the post office wanting to mail a package. The first day on the job, he opens his lunch box and mumbles, “Oh no, peanut butter!” The next day, “Peanut butter again!” This goes on for days, until another worker says, “Why don’t you ask your wife to make a different lunch?” Joe replies, “I’m not married. They got six months each. Me: That’s quite the age difference! The woman quickly learned that Mom was retired. “Not me. He kept running and running until he finally just dropped to the ground right in front of me.” I gasped, “Oh no. When I was 12, he took me to a Chicago White Sox game with a group from a local tavern.
You can bring it back tomorrow.” —David Cutcher.A customer walked into the post office wanting to mail a package. Posted on Jul 15, 2020 23 Jokes About "Hamilton" That Prove It Is … She insisted I was wrong, so I got a copy of the paper, and we went through it, eventually landing on an ad for pants from another local store. Then came Dad’s ship’s turn. Dad listened for a few seconds before telling my mother, “It’s for...I grew up hearing my dad tell a joke about a Mrs. Dunn, whose son, Timmy Dunn, had left Ireland for America, never to be heard from again.
“I’m a man of the cloth. “Which side is left?” —Josh Weston.As my two sons were climbing into the back seat of our car, Eric, five, yelled, “I call the left side!” That didn’t sit well with Ron, four. “I’ll get you one.” As he walked to the back, the second guy explained, “We keep them in the storage room. Without her, man is nothing.” —Susan Allen.When I was a proofreader, I shared with my coworkers this example to illustrate how writing can skew based on gender: A professor wrote on the blackboard, “Woman without her...Thinking no one could hear me as I loaded a UPS tractor trailer, I began to whistle. I already have one of those.” —Julie Phelan.My husband and I were daydreaming about what we would do if we won the lottery. Then I spotted two employees...Things I overheard at my health club: “I’m only taking this class so I don’t eat for an hour.” “Who knew 40 years of neglect would have repercussions?” “Does this...When my local barista handed me my change, one coin stood out. I wore it confidently to an evening party and glowed when a woman exclaimed, “Oh, how stunning!” Yes, I was grinning from ear to ear, until she added cheerfully, “Hang on to it, honey.
"This is half a joke," she added in the post.The video immediately racked up hundreds of thousands of views — and inspired hundreds of comments from amused viewers who assumed the clip referenced the "30 Rock" actor's infamous voicemail to his daughter that was leaked to the press in 2007.In the released audio, he called the then-11-year-old Baldwin a "rude, thoughtless little pig" for not answering a scheduled phone call amid his custody battle with his ex-wife, actress Kim Basinger.
Well, they think it was a virus, but it could also be malaria, kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis. Login Dark Jokes (@dark_jokes7) on TikTok | 330 Likes.